Bold of me to assume that I would start writing diligently on my blog again after announcing to the world that I was back here last year. It has already been 7 months and 23 days since my previous post. I am born a liar, I guess.
This post has actually been sitting in my drafts since January this year, but as I have mentioned before a long time ago, writing scares me. I love doing it the most in the world; nothing beats the feeling of penning down my thoughts and imaginations, pouring them into words and sentences. Nothing ever. So perhaps I should start writing scared. I should write terrified. And perhaps, I should start with an important life update: I am finally quitting my first 'proper' job this month.
I have always been in awe with older people who are able to start anew, those who are able to find new passions at a later decade in their life. But it had never occured to me that in the year of my final twenties, I will be quitting my own work, although four years ago this had been such a dream place for me. Working in a large bookstore had been such a wonderful dream come true that it pained me to realise that sometimes, your dreams will disappoint you. I am not saying in any way that I regretted working here for the past four years—I am actually thankful for the experience. But, when your goals no longer align with the people who are in charge of employing you, you know that you are no longer meant to linger around.
I have yet to find out what path awaits me next, and I have less than ten days to ponder on that. The dread and terror are gently creeping inside my head, but I refuse to let it take away the relief I felt the moment I sent my resignation letter. It is going to be a scary unknown path from today onwards, but perhaps what I need in my life is some fear to help me to step forward from my comfort zone.
Before starting a new job (hopefully soon), I am hoping to find time to continue my writing projects again and start focusing on old and new hobbies. I try my best to journal whenever I have extra time, and I also would like to start my ambitious sewing projects too. If you are following me on my socials, you may see some of these projects of mine around. And for my biggest hope, that would be to come back here and actually blog actively again (no jinx please!)
See you around, lovelies (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ
Till next time ♡ Love, Aishah Humaira'
I believe 2025 is really the year where I make a lot of meaningful decisions, most of them being small changes in my life yet carry a much bigger impact to my mental wellbeing. For one, I already ditched this blog more than two years ago and moved to Wordpress, but due to several circumstances that I will elaborate later, I decided to return here. Perhaps I should call it a new start, since I did change my blog name from mermaird to withinmyheart now.
Regret
Relief
Second Chance
sangwon’s ig story translation
— moni 𐙚 (@wondeul) October 8, 2025
i want to hold on to the things and people i love for a long time.
even the hardships that might come someday, i want to keep them close too.
and i want to live as myself.
i want to look at every moment with sincerity and a fresh heart, and keep… pic.twitter.com/agpZxmapXe
Wednesday, November 30, 2022
Tender and Poignant, A Story About Faith: Absolution by Anna Tan [Book Review]
“"Mikal, I'm scared."
"Of what? We're here. Almost safe."
"For you."
He laughs. "Don't be. I've accepted my fate."
"Have you?"
He doesn't reply.”
TW: deaths, allusions of rape
From where do I start? Anna Tan's writing for this series have always left me speechless in awe.
Absolution takes place some years after Amok, and immediately after the epilogue in The Tale of the Hostage Prince. Instead of returning to Mikal's POV like in the first book, Absolution offers the POV of an entirely new character: Tulen from Impian. Following the deaths of her mother and brother, Tulen was traumatised with guilt and blamed herself for many things. An attempt to steal to survive caused her to be punished to serve a bratty princess. When the princess sets out for a pilgrimage, Tulen thinks it might just be a way for her to offer a sacrifice, to gain absolution.
It was so easy to love Tulen that just from the first few paragraphs of this book, I only wish nothing but good things for her. In a fantasy world where things are much different than ours, her character is relatable and feels very much realistic. Despite the harsh life she had gone through, combined with the guilt towards the deaths of her loved ones, I find it astounding that she was still able to stand tall and be herself. Sure, she did lie about her identity at a certain point, but what else can an orphan girl do by herself at desparate times?
Getting Mikal back in a new story felt so glorious because I had missed him so much (although when he first appeared, I deluded myself into thinking that he was Yosua instead—I terribly miss that boy too). A teeny bit spoiler, but the fact that Mikal called Tulen as 'sayang' when he first met her made me scream because eXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM AND CRY AND BUILD THIS SHIP ♡♡♡♡♡♡ I like that despite being the Sultan, Tulen treated him like a normal man and Mikal did the same towards Tulen. I love that despite the feelings blooming between these two, the story focused on their own worries and faith instead of making it all about the romance. The journey they had to go through together, the connection they formed with their gifts, made their bond so tight that I think I would not have survived if anything happened to either of them.
This series has always been about faith, but Absolution speaks about this matter more prominently. In terms of plot, there were not as much violence compared to the previous two books in the series, yet it was painful to go through as well. Tulen's guilt and Mikal's fears were agonising, and I wanted so bad to protect them from every harm and suffering they had to endure. Unlike the previous books where there were actual villains to hate, the only adversary in Absolution were their own selves. And I find that that is what made this story more meaningful, because sometimes, the hardest enemy to defeat is yourself.
All in all, Absolution is a story about faith that ends with an endearing note. I will give my whole heart to Tulen and Mikal (and Yosua since he made a cameo ♡). This review is supposed to be posted on the 25th, but due to circumstances, I'm only able to write this five days later. Much much thanks to Anna Tan and Teaspoon Publishing for trusting me with this book and I am honoured to have read all three books in this series earlier than the rest of the world. If you ask me whether I would recommend this book to anyone, I would give a big fat yes to it!
Below are the links where you can order Absolution.
Ebook: https://books2read.com/AbsolutionNovel [USD4.99 / RM20]
Paperback (Malaysia only): https://teaspoonpublishing.com.my/shop/absolution-paperback/ [RM50]
Series: Absolution, #2
Writing has been a very essential part of my life, one of the only ways I was able to express myself when I was younger, although I was not perfect with it. But it was part of me, it was ingrained in me. Starting a blog at a tender age of nine, joining a community of writing fan fictions for fun, writing short stories for my friends as their birthday gifts, pursuing a degree in Creative Writing, being hired to write book reviews—all of these should have contributed to me braving the literary world and finally penning down the novel I have always wanted to share with everyone.
Alas, something went wrong. Despite everything, despite my continuous love for words and brewing new fantasies in my head, I stopped. I simply stopped. For some unknown reasons, a fear of writing developed inside me. I have no inkling as to why it formed, whether I am scared of disappointing myself, or scared of people's judgement. I find it ironic how I used to be confident with my writing and was self-conscious of how I looked, but these days it is switched. I found the confidence with my appearance and how I carry myself in front of others, yet somehow I lost my way with connecting with the words in my brain.
It has been more than two years since I finished my studies, and that was pretty much the amount of time I had been lost from something that used to be so important in my life. I fear that if I do not make an attempt to rescue myself, someday I will no longer be able down to bring any of my fantasies alive, and the thought itself can potentially destroy me from within. If I do not do anything to salvage it, I will be lost. I will no longer... be me.
Writing has always been a part of me, my hope, my life. Without it, it feels like I just switched on a self-destruction button in me. Call it dramatic, but writers are often born dramatic. I have always loved that side of me, the side who are able to conjure up my own world in my own words.So from today onward, I will chase it again. I can still feel the seedlings of fear and anxiety in me, and perhaps I will scurry away again, pretending I never wrote this, and continue living without trying to write again like I used to, but I know I will always come back for it.
I was born to be a writer.
Here's to hoping that Aishah Humaira' will never give up, and that she will one day hold a book with her name on the front cover in her arms. Aamiin.
Wish me the best ♡ Love, Aishah Humaira'
✧・・・・・・✧・・・・・・✧・・・・・・✧
Thursday, April 14, 2022
Royalty without Power: The Tale of the Hostage Prince by Anna Tan [Book Review]
“Am I Mahan or am I Bayangan? If I am Bayangan, why do I have the Amok Strength? If I am Mahan, what am I doing on the throne of Bayangan?”
TW: gruesome deaths, torture, violence
Happy release day to The Tale of the Hostage Prince! 🎉✨✨
If you have been following my reviews, you may know that Amok (read my review here) is one of my favourite reads of 2021, and it is still among the top of my favourite fantasy reads. As much as I loved the main character, Mikal, his best friend, Yosua had been my favourite character from the start. I have wished that we will be getting a POV from him someday, and Miss Anna Tan decides to make my wish come true this year by releasing The Tale of the Hostage Prince!
The Tale of the Hostage Prince takes place two years after Amok. Despite the years passed, Yosua is still unable to adapt to his role as Raja of Bayangan. Despite finally returning to his homeland kingdom, where he should belong, he feels like something is missing. He longs for his best friend, Mikal, and misses Maha even though he was raised as a hostage there. His own people questions his ability to reign, making him doubt himself more. But when his parents are murdered brutally, and his uncle is hell-bent on seeking revenge, Yosua no longer has time to wonder where he truly belongs. If he does not play his role as Raja properly, his own people will betray him and death will claw its way to him soon.
I cannot remember feeling so much rage and pain while reading a book. The Tale of the Hostage Prince literally made me want to scream in agony, my fists clenched tightly and my heart breaking to pieces, because everything that Yosua goes through are too infuriating and painful to bear. Yosua has no men to trust after the death of his parents, and even his closest confidant will betray him at any given time. He does not even have the time to grief his parents when everything starts to crumble down, and Yosua realises that he may truly be alone.
The Tale of the Hostage Prince is a fast-paced story that left me breathless; there was no time to rest as things keep getting worse for Yosua after each page. The violence and torture are rather gruesome, perfect for my taste, even if it leaves a bitter aftertaste when I consider that Yosua does not deserve any of it. His faith is questioned and his efforts seem futile, but someone with a big heart like him never gives up. I love how hard he tries his best, and whenever he feels like giving up, somewhere deep inside him knows that it is not the right thing to do. This is why he will always be my favourite ♡
“I say that you are truer than a friend, closer than a brother. But my path is not your path and neither will yours be mine.”
When Yosua finally reunites with Mikal, it feels like a joyous celebration for me, and for them. They grew up together as best friends, as brothers, so being separated has taken its toll, especially on Yosua. I love, love the bond that these two have, and as much as I wish they can be back together like before, that is just not possible. And the way Yosua finally makes peace with this fact is pleasing in its own way. His character growth from a soft and meek boy, lacking in confidence over his worth, to becoming a man proud of his strength and flaws, unafraid to fight and protect his own people. I love that despite his harsh upbringing and the countless betrayals he went through, Yosua retains his softness and is nothing but kind to his people.
I have to say that I absolutely enjoy Anna Tan's writing style. She has a flair with words, and her world is written so vividly, I was able to imagine the scenes playing in my head, down to every detail of it. I fall in love hard with the characters that are good, and loath the villains to the deepest part of my heart. There are many twists and horrors, and despite having an inkling of who had caused the death of Yosua's parents, the truth still left me in shock. I had not expected to love this one more than I love Amok, but having a soft spot for Yosua, I can easily say I definitely love this one a lot more.
All in all, The Tale of the Hostage Prince is a story of a powerless young Raja, betrayals from those who you trust the most, and finding your inner-strength to fight back for what is rightfully yours. There is nothing I do not love about it, hence why I am giving it an infinity of stars as my rating! Many thanks to the author and Teaspoon Publishing for sending me the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
Below are the links where you can order The Tale of the Hostage Prince!
Ebook: https://books2read.com/HostagePrince [USD4.99 / RM20]
Paperback (Malaysia only): https://teaspoonpublishing.com.my/shop/hostageprince-paperback/ [RM45]
Series: Absolution, #1.5
Wednesday, April 13, 2022
Dark Sorcery and Mythical Japan: Emperor of the Eight Islands by Lian Hearn [Book Review]
“Don't grieve for me. I can't go on living this way. I pray every day to escape somehow—if the only way is through death, so be it.”
TW: mentions of non-consensual sex & rape, torture, death
I jumped into this book blindly, only wanting to satisfy my craving for a story with Japanese mythical elements in it. And I came out with a potential new favourite series! ✨
Emperor of the Eight Islands is the first book set in The Tale of Shikanoko series by Lian Hearn. It follows a young boy named Kazumaru, whom after being left to die in the woods by his greedy uncle, is taken in by a sorcerer and placed under and initiation against his will. He later becomes the "deer child", and is called Shikanoko. The tale follows Shikanoko as he meets new people, good and bad, all the while wondering what his true purpose in life is.
This book is told in the third person point-of-view, of six different people. Despite this, I find the flow of the story easy to follow, the transition between each character rather smooth. It even helps me as a reader to gauge the world of the book much better. While this book is quite a thin book, there is a large number of characters in it, but fret not as a character list in included at the start of the book. I do suggest skipping the character list unless you need to refresh a character's role, because there are some spoilers in it.
“He reflected grimly as he hastened back through the dark street on how children were used as pawns in men's struggles for power. His son, Tsumaru, the Emperor's grandson, Yoshimori, were to be abducted, hidden, murdered, not for any crime of theirs, unless it was from a former life, but because of who their fathers were.”
The adults in this book disgusts me. Fueled by their hunger for power and lust, the children becomes their pawns and victims. My favourite characters are mainly the children: Akihime, Hina, Yoshimori, Kai and especially Shikanoko. The way their fates are tied are heartbreaking, and I think it is sad how these children are being forced to mature quickly, or else they will die in between the cruel fights between the adults.
Desire, greed, betrayal and extreme loyalty play large roles as themes of this book. There are a few scenes where the characters are forced to have sex, while being partially conscious. This may sound vile, but these scenes are vital for the plot as lust and desire are part of the dark sorcery being performed. However, non of the sexual scenes (including consensual ones) are graphic and are mostly mentioned in a few sentences, but if you are uncomfortable with these, please be mindful if you want to read this book. As for the torture and death parts, they are also mentioned briefly, but if you have a good enough imagination, it can be rather gruesome.
Overall, Emperor of the Eight Islands is a great introduction to The Tale of Shikanoko's world, and I have plenty of characters that I'm rooting for, and also characters whom I wish to experience the worst pain in their deaths. It is an easy and rather light read, despite the mythical elements in it. If I had not procrastinate, I could easily devour this book in a single sitting! It has a good deal of twists and shocking truths in it, and even though one of the main characters ends up making a terrible mistake in the end, I still enjoyed every bit of this book.
I look forward to continue this series soon. If you love reading stories with dark magic, demons, wars and Japanese mythology and culture, you might like to try picking up this one!
Series: The Tale of Shikanoko #1
Monday, April 04, 2022
Sweet Romance & Finding Where You Belong: Tokyo Ever After by Emiko Jean [Book Review]
“I don't have an American half and a Japanese half. I am a whole person. Nobody gets to tell me if I am Japanese enough or too American.”
If I were to describe Tokyo Ever After in simple words, I would say that the story is as sweet as cotton candy! It has similar vibes to The Princess Diaries, but instead of an unknown kingdom, the plot takes place in Japan.
Izumi Tanaka has always been curious about her origin, especially regarding the identity of a father that she never knew of. When her mother continues to refuse to talk about it, Izumi decides to find clues of her own... and finds out that her father is actually the Crown Prince of Japan. Soon enough, Izumi finds herself being flown to Japan to discover more about her roots and learn more of the royalty and culture. It is a story of searching for one's true self, family, friendship and forbidden romance.
Oh I adore Izumi Tanaka's character from the first page of the book! I find most of her words and actions to be rather amusing, and I secretly believe that if I know her in real life, I will want to be best friends with her. She is mostly impulsive, but that's her most adoring trait because she leads her life with her heart ♡ It is a big part of the story, and as someone who listens to her heart a lot too, I find myself to be able to relate to Izumi and I find most of her actions to be justifiable.
“The earth forgets but I will always remember
Karaoke bars
Pharmacies and cups of tea
And plates of dorayaki”
The major reason Tokyo Ever After has a special place in my heart is definitely the swoon-worthy forbidden romance with the handsome yet grumpy bodyguard—the sunshine x grumpy trope is executed perfectly in this book! I enjoyed Izumi and Akio's banter; they mock each other and throw snarky remarks a lot, but it's done so nicely that I find everything to be hilarious. And when they finally fall hard for each other? BOOM. The romance is disgustingly sweet and adorable, I feel like screaming to oblivion (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾ The way they touch and kiss each other, the way how gentle Akio becomes during their hushed moments alone, the secret dances, the short but meaningful haiku they write for each other—tell me, how can I not wish to have my own hot grumpy bodyguard to date in secret as well? HOW?
I also love that apart from the romance, the story highlights Izumi's relationship with her family and friends as well. I am glad that the mother-daughter relationship in this one is wonderful, and Izumi respects and loves her mother fiercely. Although her mother kept secrets of her father from her, she tries her best to understand her mother's intentions. I do believe that Izumi's father can be a good father to her too, which readers will probably witness in the sequel, but he does show a lot of effort in here too. A good relationship with parents are rather rare in young adult books, so I really appreciate the author giving two good parents for this book.
As for Izumi's best friends, especially Noora: They are a gem! I enjoyed their moments and conversations so much; the trust and care they have for each other are so touching. It's the kind of friendship that I have always wanted—friends like family ♡
“"I'm still a work in progress."
"Aren't we all?"”
Last but not least, I find Izumi's character arc to be a delightful journey to follow. I have mentioned above that I adore Izumi from the start, but it is quite clear that she can be passive at times too. The words “If you don't fly too high, you don't have too far to fall” definitely hit me hard, as I know how it feels to not be good enough when you know you have not tried hard enough. But as Izumi goes through a lot of backlash and hurt, she grows stronger and becomes someone confident about herself. She finally finds her true self, where she does not need to choose between being American or Japanese, because both are parts that make up her.
All in all, Tokyo Ever After has the sweetest forbidden romance, perfect for a feel-good moment and as a light-read. It also has great values of family, friendship and finding a sense of belonging. If you're a fan of The Princess Diaries or To All the Boys I've Loved Before, and other similar stories, please do pick Tokyo Ever After as your next read!
Many thanks to Pansing for sending me this book in exchange for my honest review. Tokyo Ever After is available in all good bookstores, and the sequel is coming out next month, so be ready!
Series: Tokyo Ever After #1
Sunday, March 20, 2022
Of Wordplay and Murder Mystery: Queen of the Tiles by Hanna Alkaf [Book Review]
“The beauty of the game lies in openness; the best players find ways to dance across the board like ballerinas.”
TW: Death, trauma/grief, anxiety, mentions of depression.
A brilliant murder mystery that centers around Scrabble with a local hijabi girl as a main character? A BIG FAT YES for me!
Queen of the Tiles follows the story of Najwa Bakri, who returns to her first Scrabble competition a year after losing her best friend. Competing in the Scrabble competition may not be the best idea for her, not when it was the same competition where the said best friend, Trina Low, died unexpectedly. With Trina no longer around to be crowned the Scrabble Queen, Najwa wants more than nothing to gain the title herself, only to honour her best friend.
What starts as a fierce competition filled with exceptional words and the thirst for the throne, immediately turns into a cruel game when Trina's inactive Instagram starts posting again. Cryptic messages and words are posted, hinting that Trina's death may not be an unfortunate circumstance after all. Perhaps there was a murderer, and the person is among the competitors.
I like the fact that each chapter in this book starts with a word and its meaning to describe the chapter—mind you, these words are difficult ones too and I have never heard of most of them. This element also directly reflects the main character, Najwa, who loves the meaning of the words she uses. It's safe to say that my vocabulary is very limited, and I had fun learning new words from this book.
This book reminds me of Pretty Little Liars, although almost the entire premise is different. It's a perfect example of obsessing over pretty people, toxic relationships and people you cannot trust. You cannot trust anyone in Queen of the Tiles, not even Najwa herself because her trauma caused her to forget the events happening on the day of Trina's death. With her memory of the day hazy, it was difficult to determine the truth.
“Our grief may have different symptoms, but deep down it's the same disease after all.”
Queen of the Tiles talks about grief of losing a person dear to you and learning to find your own worth. It exposes readers to toxic relationships as well, where one side overshadows the other, and how destructive this can be to someone. I find myself unable to put down this book, eager for Najwa to solve the mystery of Trina's death. I was awestruck by how brilliantly Najwa swims through this menacing game, how quick she is to figure out the clues and cryptic messages. Albeit the way the 'culprit' was captured felt rather cliche, I still think this book concludes itself pretty well.
If you are into murder mystery with a lot of drama, and a dash of nerdiness to it (in a good way!), please get yourself to pre-order Queen of the Tiles right now! Many thanks to Pansing for sending me the ARC of Queen of the Tiles. This book is set to be published on April 19th 2022, and you do not want to miss it.
Series: -
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